Pat down...Hands down!

I am not a big fan of flying to begin with but If I fly anytime soon and I had to choose between the pat-down or the body scanner, I will with no doubt choose the pat-down. In the scanners’ case it is not the privacy issue that is going to hold me back, that is the least of my worries, I don’t care if you have a picture of me naked. I mean who cares if you have a naked souvenir picture of an old wrinkled man in his 70s like me. But what I don’t like in this process is the exposure to X-rays. I have tried for years and years as much as I can to avoid X-rays and Buffalo chicken wings because they cause cancer, especially if there is not enough ranch to go with the wings.

The other day I went to get my teeth cleaned and the dentist almost cried while he was begging me to accept taking a couple of X-rays for my teeth.  In the first 30 minutes of his begging I was telling myself this bastard wants me to get exposed to radiation just so he could make a couple of bucks more.  But then he started explaining how he wants to determine if there is bone loss or not to decide on the cleaning method to be used and the poor guy went into a deep medical lecture explaining most of what he learnt in dentistry before I hesitantly said yes.  I don’t know how I was able to make him feel so guilty that he was apologizing for everything he did after the X-rays.  To make a long story short, X-ray in my eyes is not a joke and that is why I tell you if you want to touch my junk go ahead and do it but if you  haven’t had bought me lunch the night before I just ask for no eye contact afterwards.

P.S. I am not that old, wrinkled and ugly. As a matter of fact I am freakishly handsome; a copy cat of Fabio. Even if you don’t know Fabio the name itself is going to get your imagination going.. PERVERT!

Is it March yet?

I don’t know what is wrong with me (or maybe what is right?), but whenever fall closes in I start feeling down and immediately start counting the months and days to the next summer; the thought of migrating south haunts me constantly. I get excited in the winter when I hear words like "March Madness", "April fools' " or "Cinco de Mayo". Does everybody feel the same?

I always feel like I live in the summer and hibernate in the winter. I am not a wave surfer nor an ice cream man; that's not why I crave the summer. My bitching starts with the first falling leaf and ends with the beautiful DC cherry blossom. It could be part of the endless search for serotonin which I assume has hit an all-time low all around the world with the exhaustingly, increasingly demanding life style that we all live in nowadays.

I've met a lot of people who like winter in this area and, in my mind, it's due to body fat! The bigger the person the more they like winter according to the poll conducted by my brain. You are saying now  “Na-Ah that was not nice”  Well, I don’t care.. THAT'S WHAT THE POLL SAID!!

HARRY POTTER ?!? I just don't get it

A couple of days ago two colleagues of mine one is in his late fifties and one is in his late twenties were so excited while checking Harry Potter's last movie preview and they both talked about how they can't wait to watch it and I know they are not the only ones. Millions of people are waiting to see this movie just like they did with its previous parts. I have seen a few minutes of Harry Potter here and there on TV and the only thing I see is that this movie/story is for kids and kids only. I think adults who enjoy watching it are either shallow or didn't have a good childhood. Same goes for the very famous Lord of the Rings which my wife and I left the theater after watching half of it feeling very silly and in an effort to stop time wasting.

While riding the metro I see adults wearing very professional clothes going to/ coming from work holding their precious Harry Potter book. From a distance you think from their serious look that they are reading a book about the freakin recession that we are in,  and all I can think about is going towards them shaking the hell out of them screaming WAKE UP YOU ARE NOT A KID ANY MORE!!!
But after all who am I to judge?